The Rose: Moving On
by berri-cherri-princess
Summary: Everybody knows that Julia died, but they don't know how Spike has been coping, despite his cheery exterior. The true meaning or unrequited love, due to certain circumstances


Not A Day Goes By...  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Hey y'all. Sorry I haven't written more, but highschool has its stresses people! And I have to do my work on that YuGiOh  
  
cover contest.  
  
Joey: ^______^ How am I coming along?  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: _ Not that well, actually.  
  
Joey: :'(   
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Well, there's no humanly possible way of making you look better than you already do  
  
Joey: ^__________________________________^  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: ^^'  
  
Trowa: How come he gets all the love? I thought you loved me!  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Of course I do! But it was about the cover contest.  
  
Trowa: Mhm. Point taken.  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess:...*glomps Trowa* Don't always be so serious!  
  
Spike: So what's this fic about, anyways?  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: You....  
  
Spike: That's good ^_^ I deserve the attention here, not like those fruits!  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Spike! That was a mean thing to say!  
  
Spike: Erm...sorry.  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: That's a good boy!  
  
Spike: ^___________^ Hey, why were there a whole bunch of dots?  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Ummm...because...I...It's about Julia.  
  
Spike: Oh...  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: *glomps Spike* I'm sorry! *glomps again* It's just, when I heard this song, I knew it was perfect. You'll feel better after it, I promise.   
  
Spike: I...It's okay, I guess. I mean...I've got you...  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: ^________________________________________^ *glomps Spike yet Again!*  
  
Trowa: *clears throat* The song not a day goes by belongs to Lonestar, and we don't belong to her, sadly enough.  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: -_-' Sorry, okay, I'll give you more attention next time! Trowa's right, on with the fic! And yes, I am currently working on a Troaw inspired fic!  
  
Trowa: ^_____________^  
  
Joey: ???  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Don't worry, I'm working on a Tristan/Serenity one 2!  
  
Joey: X_X  
  
Spike: ...  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: *glomps Spike again* I promise I'll make a happy one for you! Here, want my Pepsi?  
  
Spike: Ok  
  
Joey/Trowa: *AHEM*  
  
Berri_Cherri_Princess: Alright, alright...Let us begin...  
  
NOT A DAY GOES BY...  
  
He Sat by the window, smoking his cigarette. Puffs of smoke whisped...evaporating into the air like many treasured evenings. Gone. He took another  
  
puff and sighed. The rain didn't make it better. Neither did Faye trying to keep him company. She tried, he had to give her credit for that, but...It just  
  
didn't help. Nothing did. He left from the window, stretchng himself on the cold couch. He closed his eyes for a minute, and tried to think. That didn't help  
  
either. All thoughts led back to her...  
  
"Got a picture of you I carry in my heart  
  
Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark"  
  
He opened his eyes. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't! Outside began to get darker, and he became more sleepy. He let his mind wander. His  
  
hand did too. To a small pocket on his jacket. He wrapped it tight around him. It wasn't the night that had gotten cold...  
  
"Got a memory of you I carry in my soul  
  
I wrap it close around me when the night's getting cold"  
  
Faye walked in on him again. "Look, Spike, I know something's up, you can tell me, come on!" She asked playfully, sitting on his feet. "Everything's ok,  
  
Faye. Just go to sleep. I'm fine." She looked at him suspiciously. "Ok then. G'night Spike." "'Night." He laughed at himself. What crap he was making up.  
  
If Faye could tell, sometihng was definately up, and it was.   
  
"If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine  
  
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind"  
  
He turned over on the couch, knocking over a vase with a single, fading, red rose. The water spilt on the floor. Like that mattered...he thought to   
  
himself. Like that even crossed his mind. He gently picked up the red rose, petals drifting softly to the ground. He bent over and picked those up too.  
  
How Julia loved those roses...There he went again...How come it was so hard to accept...so difficult to forget? She had died a long time ago...Still, she  
  
was the first thought of his every morning, and last every night. Nothing could take away his dreams of Julia...not even himself, no matter how hard he  
  
tried. He turned over again, and pulled up the blanket. He remembered how he and Julia used to cuddle and laugh under that blanket. He saw her face,  
  
and from that moment, his thoughts could not falter. A silent tear dripped down his cheek...Why was he so fragile...The petals slipped from his shaking  
  
hand...and he slipped away from conciousness, for what seemed like forever...  
  
Julia...  
  
Julia...where are you?   
  
Julia...I want to see you..where are you? I can hear your voice, I just can't see you...Julia?  
  
Just say my name. Please! Just say anything...say my name Julia, please...please...  
  
"Not a day goes by that I don't think of you  
  
After all this time you're still with me it's true  
  
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside  
  
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by..."  
  
Within the next couple hours he drifted in and out of conciousness. Why was he so lonely. It never hurt this bad before... He couldn't hold it in anymore.  
  
He needed something, somebody, to love like he had loved Julia. Anything. Any Goddamn thing!  
  
Julia...Please! Take this all away! I don't want it, I don't want to be alone...  
  
So now he was talking to himself. He went into the kitchen to grab an aspirin. He never used to feel bad when Julia was there, even when he was   
  
damaged pretty badly. Julia came to visit him, and that's all it took...to see her smiling face...He went to sit on a chair by the phone. He fingered the   
  
numbers.   
  
"I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night  
  
Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right"  
  
"Spike, you there?"  
  
"Yah. What'sup?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much. I..I just was kind of worried about you."  
  
"Had a bad dream?"  
  
"Yah...How did you know?"  
  
"Guessed. Do you want me to come by?"  
  
"Ok. I'd like that."  
  
"I'll be by in a couple of minutes."  
  
"Ok..."  
  
All of that was gone now, and there was nothing that could change it. No mater how bad his heart didn't want to realize it, it was the truth. He felt  
  
so cold. So alone...He lay back on the couch. He wanted to touch her, just one more time. Please, God, just one more time. He wanted to feel her body  
  
against his, as they kissed in the dark. Her lips brushed his own, and for that one moment, the world was a better place...He was finally alive after all  
  
those years of being dead asleep...  
  
"And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark  
  
Wishin' you were next to me, your head against my heart"  
  
Why'd I tell Faye I was fine then...he thought to himself. I don't want to bring her down too... I'm far from fine...If only she knew...  
  
"If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine  
  
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind"  
  
But all she'd be is worried. I hate to say this, but even the pain that she is, I don't want her worried about me...What would you do, Julia? He gently laid the single  
  
red rose on the table. Spike knew. She had told him what to do the day that she... He didn't want ot accept it. It would only make it worse. But still...it sounded like the right  
  
thing to do...His mind flashed back to that horrible day. The memories flooded with many cold tears.  
  
"I'm not scared. I want to die, Spike. I don't have a purpose. I did what I was supposed to do, and I'm proud. I wouldn't want to live the rest of my life doing nothing. I'd  
  
rather die, Spike. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of being caged, Spike. Please let me fly. Do me a favour by making this easier. Go, please leave now, and don't look back.  
  
It won't hurt me this way. I...I want to die alone...I don't want you to be there, because I don'twant ot feel sorry that I left something behind. God knows I love you." she said,  
  
smiling at him faintly, blood seeping from her chest. He did as she told him to...He had never felt so alone.  
  
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you  
  
After all this time you're still with me it's true  
  
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside  
  
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by  
  
Julia had never been alone. That was a lie. So maybe....he hadn't either. He stopped to think for a second. Maybe he hadn't either...A warm gust of wind blew in from the window, and  
  
carressed his neck. He knew it. He could feel it. It was Julia. All he could do to keep himself bursting into tears and waking Jet, Faye, and Ed (and Ein ^^;;) was look at the clock. It passed  
  
by so slowly. He suddenly knew what he had to do.  
  
Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days  
  
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way  
  
Three days had past, and he had finally built up the courage to go along with his plan. He slowly walked to the graveyard, white flowers in hand. The thorns protruding in his right  
  
hand were the only things that had kept him focused. He couldn't back out now. He had finally gotten there, and knelt there, not saying anything. He couldn't take much more of this...  
  
He had to leave for his own sanity. He gently placed the flowers down, kissed his finger, and touched the tombstone. "I love you Julia, and nothing's ever gonna change that. You're stil here with  
  
me, he said, getting up and turning around.  
  
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you  
  
After all this time you're still with me it's true  
  
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside  
  
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by  
  
This time, Spike said to himself. I'm not turning around. I'm not looking back. Affirmation...affirmation. he whispered to himself, as he slowly walked down the beaten up path to the house.  
  
Faye answered the door. "Where have you been? Are you ok?" she asked worriedly. He nodded. "Great," he smiled, "Learned the the lesson of letting go, and moving forward." Faye had no  
  
clue what he was talking about, so she let him walk right along in.  
  
Learned the lesson of letting go and moving forward.  
  
Learned the lesson of letting go, and moving on... 


End file.
